Low Demand Tips for Summer Holidays

The heat. The crowds. The noise. The food. The overstimulation. The big feelings. The history. The questions. It’s a lot.

Summer holidays in the U.S. — especially the Fourth of July — come wrapped in expectations:

1. Be outside.
2. Be in crowds.
3. Be social.
4. Be patriotic.
5. Be joyful.

But if your family is like mine, you already know: Doing things the way they’ve always been done doesn’t usually work. Not when sensory sensitivities are high. Not when transitions are hard. Not when loud noises cause shutdowns and heat leads to meltdowns.

And not when your values are shifting — when you’re rethinking what it means to celebrate a country that’s harmed so many, and wondering how to talk to your kids about belonging, justice, and love that doesn’t ignore the truth.

So let’s drop the demands. Let’s do this day — like every day — in the way that works for us.

Permission to Opt Out

You are allowed to do less.
You are allowed to skip the parade.
You are allowed to stay home.
You are allowed to light zero fireworks.
You are allowed to choose rest over participation.

If it’s too hot, too loud, too complicated, too heartbreaking — you get to opt out.

Your kids do too.

There is no lesson that needs to be learned from gritting your teeth through another meltdown in the name of “making memories.” You are making memories right now — by trusting your child, by trusting yourself, and by creating something different.

Create Your Own Traditions

Holidays aren’t about doing what everyone else does. They’re about remembering who we are, together. They’re about family culture — our “we.”

So ask yourself:

1.  What do we care about?
2.  What do we want to celebrate?
3.  How do we want to feel today?

And then build a day around that! Here are some gentle ideas:

• A fruit salad picnic in the living room with the blinds closed.
• Reading poetry together (I share Let America Be America Again by Langston Hughes with my older kids every year — it always sparks rich conversation).
• Baking something special and delivering it to a neighbor.
• Watching a movie about liberation, community, courage, or kindness (a few that have started big conversations with my kids: Wonder, Zootopia, Wall-E, Happy Feet 1 & 2, the Lorax, Chicken Run).
• Talking about what freedom means to each of us.
• Lighting sparklers after dark with some neighbors who feel lonely or don’t have community.

Sensory Support for Summer Holidays

Many summer holiday stressors are sensory in nature. Here's a list of practical accommodations that might help you and your child stay regulated:

For heat:

• Stay indoors with the A/C and blackout curtains.
• Use a cooling towel, fan, or chilled water bottle.
• Take a lukewarm bath before/after activities.

For loud noises (especially fireworks):

• Use noise-canceling headphones or loop earplugs.
• Watch fireworks from a distance or through a window.
• Replace fireworks with sparklers, glow sticks, fairy lights, or a disco ball dance party.
• Watch a fireworks show on TV where you can control the volume.

For managing “weird holiday food”:

• Stop by your kid’s favorite restaurant on the way to the social gathering so they are well fed ahead of time.
• Bring a food for the pot luck or the grill that your kid likes, so they see their favorite mixed in with everyone else’s.
• Arrive after the eating is already done, to avoid unwanted smells and sights.
• Tell your host ahead of time that food is hard for your kid, and they will likely not eat or only eat snacks or dessert (and please don’t say anything about it!).

For sticky sensations:

• Bring wipes, change of clothes, cooling spray, or a favorite lotion.
• Choose food that isn’t messy — or eat in the bath!
• Keep an old sheet or towel in the car to sit on or snuggle up with.

For overstimulation and transitions:

• Prep ahead with visuals or social stories.
• Have a quiet space ready for retreat.
• Build in breaks or offer “opt out” passes.
• Use a weighted blanket or favorite comfort item.
• Schedule downtime before and after outings.

When Patriotism Feels Complicated

For many of us, especially this year, July 4th isn’t a simple celebration. We are grieving. We are angry. We are trying to raise our children to love truth more than nationalism or blind tradition.

Maybe your child has asked why we’re celebrating a country that has not protected them, that is actively stripping their rights or protections, that is raiding their communities, a country that has not protected vulnerable children around the world, that has funded bombs instead of peace, supported dictators instead of listening to community leaders. Hopefully you are asking that too.

You don’t have to hide those questions. You don’t have to pretend. Honest, developmentally appropriate conversations about justice and belonging are a gift to our kids. And they can be deeply regulating — a way of co-creating meaning in a world that often doesn’t make sense. Or that falls far short of the values you hold. Kids deserve our honest questioning and our real grappling. They need to see that we are paying attention, connecting the dots, and have the courage to wrestle.

So say what’s true. Read a poem. Light a candle. Eat strawberries. Grieve what has been lost. Celebrate what you believe in. And let your kids know:

We don’t have to do this like everyone else. We get to decide who we are — together.

Final Words

Whether you celebrate a summer holiday like July 4th or not – You are not “ruining” the holiday when you drop demands. In fact, you are rescuing it.

Choose connection.

Choose accommodation. 

Choose truth.

Choose relational safety.

Choose to raise children who trust themselves — and you.

That is worth celebrating.