A Prayer for Hiding from my Children

Almighty God, you are Majesty, Holiness, Wondrous Presence

I am exhausted, tapped out, ragged

I am here God Almighty hiding in my bathroom

to find a single, solitary space

where no one can see me

or touch me

for 3 minutes

(maybe 5 if I’m lucky)

You say that wherever 2 or 3 are gathered, you are there.

What about where 1 is hiding, desperate to be alone?

Are you there too?

Are you here?

When you commanded Moses to remove his shoes

because he was standing on holy ground,

does that apply to this ground?

Because I haven’t cleaned this floor

and I have three boys with poor aim

and I will not remove these shoes.

I want to believe

that your Majesty, Holiness, Wondrous Presence

can even transform 

my bathroom

into holy ground.

I turned on the fan to drown out their sounds

and to give cover for my ragged breathing 

that threatens to turn into sobs.

Does your Wonder surround me 

like this blanket of soothing sound?

Give me eyes to see this world as you do

starting from the inside of this bathroom.

Occupancy: 1.

Can your Presence work its way into my ragged places

like that deep tissue massage I fantasize about getting?

Glorious pain, easing bundles of long-crafted knots

as powerful fingers find precise places

where intention, knowledge and strength combine 

to coax my body into release.

Are you here now 

reaching deep into my soul,

finding those tightly held places where I cradle my pain?

With whispered Love

can you help me let go?

A scream upstairs breaks the reverie

My name echoes off the walls and sneaks under the door of my bathroom

“MOM!”

Fan off, hand on knob, 

I pause, reluctant to leave this bathroom sanctuary.

I catch sight of my eyes in the mirror, and my question is answered.

Yes, You are with me

You go with me.

Exhausted, tapped out, ragged, yes, 

but alone? No.

Never alone.